Contraceptive Commentator Pillows

'Just the one, thanks.'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

New arrival

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

Sports Radio in Crisis

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Tree of Public Opinion.

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Chess on TV

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"Actually, we will replace you."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

Voice of the GOP

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.

Trump Liberty