Contraception Comedians Pillows

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

New arrival

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'They're not reliable.'

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

'I do love you, but anything you say, ever, will be remembered and may be used in evidence against you.'

"The Remote."

'But I take the pill everytime I become pregnant, and it doesn't help.'

Safe sex.

"So much for loyalty! Fifty years under the same roof. . . and at the first sign of a pandemic, they turf ole sneezy out on his backside!"

'Did I take my pill today?'

Just Married Just foolin' around,

Morning After Pill

'In vitro fertilization is an option for women who don't want to put all their eggs in one basket.'

Reaper Condom

Tombstones have names of vegetables on them.