Contraception Humorists Pillows

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

'It took a little time, but we finally made the house baby-proof.'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

Fertility Clinic

Sea of Tranquillity

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"May I suggest we up your medication, sire.

"Your report card says you don't interact well with other medications."

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'You can sniff out pet supplies on aisle five.'

You say the plumage has lasted longer than four hours?

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

"No, it's not mentioned in the side effects. But you have noticed that it's a full moon tonight, haven't you?"

"These drugs won't do much, but the combined side effects are a hoot!"

If you're still not suffering fools gladly in two weeks, we'll up the dosage.