Post-coital Commentator Gifts

'No thanks, I just put one out.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"I don't see what you see in him."

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"Now who's being judgy?"

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"Actually - he's rather your 'Me, Jane ' sort of boy!"

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

"Check this out - I think the guy behind us just got lucky!"

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

Bread Winner-Need More Dough

"I don't want to get too serious."