Polygraph Examiner Gifts

'Bad news, I'm afraid. You've passed your lie detector test.'

'Now, how big was that fish again?'

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

"And if you did, why did you cross the road?"

Chimp, proficient in primate speech, outsmarts a lie detector.

"The truth is I always lie."

Ethics exam cheater.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Turkey Autopsy

"I suspect your headaches may be the result of you being exposed to someone with an undiagnosed case of cabin fever."

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Thank you for not guessing.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Office of quality assurance"

Examiners.

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

Turkey Autopsy

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

'He's a real stickler for punctuality. He got really annoyed when I was late for an appointment, next week.'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Smart Arse"

Lambs to the Slaughter

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

"Curiosity."

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."

"Another clear case of COVID19."

Patent Office: ". . . It's a phoneless cord."

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."