Patent Examiner Gifts

'Quit if you want, Bowman, but the intellectual property stays here.'

'I'm sorry, we already have a time machine pending but, if you'd like to come back last year, you'll get your application in first.'

Patents office, "That looks like a brilliant idea Mr Edison"

'It's come to out attention that you've been hoarding intellectual properties."

'He's a real stickler for punctuality. He got really annoyed when I was late for an appointment, next week.'

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

'Your two o'clock cheeseseeking missle is here.'

'It's for breakfast viewers.'

'How can I put this....?'

"... Yes, your future self told me you'd think I was a 'crackpot'. He also told me to tell you to make sure your personal injury insurance was fully updated by next, Thursday."

Patent Office: ". . . It's a phoneless cord."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

"I'm Necessity and this is my son, Invention."

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Turkey Autopsy

"I suspect your headaches may be the result of you being exposed to someone with an undiagnosed case of cabin fever."

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

'Thank you for not guessing.'

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"We think your telephone is a great invention, Mr Bell, but is a bit basic. How about adding a phonograph to it?"

'Apparently, the next guy has invented a time machine!'

"Office of quality assurance"

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

Examiners.

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

Turkey Autopsy

August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

Lambs to the Slaughter

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."