Patent Examiner Gifts

'Quit if you want, Bowman, but the intellectual property stays here.'

'I'm sorry, we already have a time machine pending but, if you'd like to come back last year, you'll get your application in first.'

Patents office, "That looks like a brilliant idea Mr Edison"

'It's come to out attention that you've been hoarding intellectual properties."

'He's a real stickler for punctuality. He got really annoyed when I was late for an appointment, next week.'

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

'Your two o'clock cheeseseeking missle is here.'

'It's for breakfast viewers.'

'How can I put this....?'

"... Yes, your future self told me you'd think I was a 'crackpot'. He also told me to tell you to make sure your personal injury insurance was fully updated by next, Thursday."

Patent Office: ". . . It's a phoneless cord."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I'm Necessity and this is my son, Invention."

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Turkey Autopsy

"I suspect your headaches may be the result of you being exposed to someone with an undiagnosed case of cabin fever."

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Thank you for not guessing.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Examiners.

"We think your telephone is a great invention, Mr Bell, but is a bit basic. How about adding a phonograph to it?"

'Apparently, the next guy has invented a time machine!'

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

"Office of quality assurance"

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

Turkey Autopsy

August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

"Another clear case of COVID19."

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers