Playground Wrangler Gifts

"Give him time, - if anyone can break that swing set, it's O'l Tex."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

The Baby Walker

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

High Riders of the Old West

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

"I've outgrown my backpack."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"I'm so good at this!"

Playground Pipe Dreams

'It's not scatting if they're under age two.'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"Where's your nose?"

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

The First Day Back

"They say you're as smart as a 2-year-old child? As a 2-year-old...I don't see it!"

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

Nanny with children on leash

'Did you want me, boss?'

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

A pediatrician with children hanging off his arms

"Fred's a man for all seasons. The lawn still needs mowing but he's set for leaf blowing."