Playground Comedians Gifts

Pinata Pranks

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

Busking, "Stop worrying your father for money."

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

'A beaver wearing a mountie hat riding a moose! Still think we haven't crossed into Canada?'

"Drat!. . . We've run out of ice..."

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"I can't wait to get to the campground...back to mother nature!"

'Oh come on, there's only one of them, you just have to keep an eye out.'

Pop-up camper set-up problems.

"The neighborhood association wants to know why you're never at our meetings."

"Why yes I am a NASA engineer. Why do you ask?"

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

Scouting just hasn't been the same since Troop 90 found a long enough extension cord so they could sing around the air conditioner.

'Well my Mom made me wear it, so she could distinguish me from six when we're jumping.'

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

The Weather Rock says: Sunny with a chance of flooding

"So, I hear you swing both ways."

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

"We saw a light so we dropped in."

'Closed for rehab work. Next facility 22 miles.'

BILL & YADDA-YADDA GATES foundation

'So you got five dollars from the Toothfairy... Big deal! My teeth are worth thousands on the black market...'

"Check out our page on Facebook."

"I love a man with an untrimmed crust."

Moral: Let sleeping bags lie

'Butch was my best pal until I heard his mother call him Samantha,'

'I hope our fence won't cause a conflict.'

"It's about three miles north, as the naked mole rat burrows."