Playground Humorist Gifts

Beta testing childsplay

'So you got five dollars from the Toothfairy... Big deal! My teeth are worth thousands on the black market...'

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Busking, "Stop worrying your father for money."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

"Here! Let me get you all in!"

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

"And then, after they were done with their bodies, they baked them at 350 degrees for an hour."

"This is the only time of the year when we get to hit the children."

"Jeez, Honey, will you hurry up in there? I've been hibernating all winter, too, y'know!"

'No, I'm his cousin, Sasquash.'

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."

"I can't wait to get to the campground...back to mother nature!"

"It was a professional hit..."

'Oh come on, there's only one of them, you just have to keep an eye out.'

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

Sent to the corner on school sports day.

Pinata Pranks

'Dads On Steroids' Dad swung his child through fence accidentally.

"I think Wendy likes me... she kept the spitwad I threw at her!"

"What do I do when I get to the top?"

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

Campground Wi-fi.

"Why yes I am a NASA engineer. Why do you ask?"

"O.K., now, when a teacher comes out, everybody look straight up."

'So far, everyone of them has overshot the drop zone.'

'Don't make me use my chemical weapons...'