Pithy Philosopher Gifts

Papi's idea of a good father vs. Baldo's idea of a good father: family history.

Pigeon Little

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Reverse psychology

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Power/Expenditures

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"It Works For Us."

Fish Food

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'