Pedantic Philosopher Gifts

"You keep saying apocalyptic but I think you mean post-apocalyptic."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Have you been playing dice?"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Chiller Theatre

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Sauce for the Goose

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"Is this who I am?"

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"I cross the road to forget."

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

Non Thought For The Day.

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."