Pedantic Perfectionist Gifts

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

Bullseye!

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

Dating an English Major

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

Ironing Punctuation

Surreal ale

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

"Grammar-police, sir, we have some questions about your online posts and the inappropriate use of apostrophes."