Pedantic Perfectionist Gifts

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

Bullseye!

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

Dating an English Major

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Surreal ale

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Ironing Punctuation

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'