Poetry Perfectionist Gifts

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Hecklers On Poetry Night

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

Dating an English Major

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

Ironing Punctuation

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

Three work boxes: 'IN...LIMBO...OUT': 'I think I've found your bottleneck.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."