Paragraph Perfectionist Gifts

'Tom's never been good at managing his word count down...which is why I've got a 363 page shopping list!'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

Bullseye!

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

Dating an English Major

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

Hanging off every word...

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

Ironing Punctuation

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"