Language Perfectionist Gifts

Communikations Semminar.

"It's 'She's driving me crazy and I'm not sure whom to turn to.' "

'I realize you're a French teacher but do you have to correct everything?'

'Mister, the only thing wrong with these computers is the spell check's broken.'

Correct Grammar Squad

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

'I'll know the difference, that's who!'

"I wish I was dead."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Dating an English Major

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Ironing Punctuation

Surreal ale

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."