Language Perfectionist Gifts

Communikations Semminar.

"It's 'She's driving me crazy and I'm not sure whom to turn to.' "

'I realize you're a French teacher but do you have to correct everything?'

'Mister, the only thing wrong with these computers is the spell check's broken.'

Correct Grammar Squad

'I'll know the difference, that's who!'

"I wish I was dead."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Dating an English Major

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Surreal ale

Ironing Punctuation

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."