Language Precisionist Gifts

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

'C'mon get it straight.'

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

Bullseye!

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"Technically, it's a mammal."

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

Raptures

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

Dating an English Major

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

Ironing Punctuation

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

The perfectionist.

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."