Speech Perfectionist Gifts

Tweetie pie in an elecution class.

'These personal statements are just me...me...me!'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

Dating an English Major

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

Hanging off every word...

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

Ironing Punctuation

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'