Pronunciation Perfectionist Gifts

"Actually, it's pronounced 'An-hel'."

"Sorry, sir. But if you can't pronounce it, you can't have it."

'That was a nice foreign policy speech, except that it's pronounced 'Österreich,' not 'ostrich.''

"P-p-p psychology, k-k-kknight..."

"Now, girls, after me. Boo-ya-bes, a mixed fish stew. Boo-ya-bes, a mixed fish stew."

"Hello, I'm Clifton Latimer."

Tomatoes 45 cents/lb. Tomahtoes 65 cents/lb.

"No! Not 'capiler bear'—I said, 'Call AppleCare'!"

'I think we're all safe now. Go ahead and say spatlese.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

Dating an English Major

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

Ironing Punctuation

Surreal ale

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

Office Ergonomics.

I have taken over Sarahs body!