Pun Perfectionist Gifts

Quality Contorl.

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.

Ventriloquist's fete

Surreal ale

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

Fast food. Even faster food

hard-boiled egg...

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

Stoneage puncture repair kit...

Punctuation Police

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'