Pun Perfectionist Gifts

Quality Contorl.

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

Did yoo you ever haxe have on of thoze those days when nothign nothing seems too to go right?

An epiphany is the sudden perception of essential meaning! An explanation point!

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.

Ventriloquist's fete

Surreal ale

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Your French dip, sir.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"You're such a good listener."