Prune Perfectionist Gifts

Secateurs/Non-Secateurs.

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"First time pruning?"

Bullseye!

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

Surreal ale

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

"It's called being preemptive."

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

'this is the only place where no one is fooling around with the genes.'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

Quality Contorl.

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'This pea is the first vegetable that I've ever grown so I would like to have it stuffed and mounted.'

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

I would love to learn Karate, but Dad insists I do Boxing instead: He says I have natural disposition for it...

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.

Ventriloquist's fete

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

Boxing Trainer: 'And watch out for this fella. He has a huge Left Hook.'

'This course is a great ego builder.'

"Let's go, this is definitely a manicured lawn: we won't find clover or dandelions here..."

Bazzini & Sons Lawn Service: 'We don't cut corners'.

"...And then beyond the lawn, a lily pool with fountains and..."

'He has a great left hook,'

"Got anything that will expire before I do?"

"I'm desperate, John. Please lend me your lawnmower."

'Look at it this way...you're like a big pop star! The hits just keep on coming!'

"I never go anywhere unprepared!"