Linguistic Perfectionist Gifts

Use apostrophes. Dont use apostrophes

"Facebook will close all the user's accounts with bad spelling."

'Not 'fell', Simkins - 'fallen': Mr. Jones has fallen out of the window...'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Dating an English Major

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

Surreal ale

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Ironing Punctuation

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."