Presentation Perfectionist Gifts

"I'll pause for a moment so you can let this information sink in."

'On the left, this year's reading scores. On the right, the same data digitally enhanced.'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"How's my presentation? Call 1-800-..."

'I've prepared this powerpoint presentation about myself which takes precisely the allotted five minutes.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

PowerPointless Presentation

For More Effective Presentations Avoid Excessive Bullet Points.

"...and this chart shows people clearly prefer bar graphs to pie charts."

Kevin finds that one hand-out between 20 people makes for difficult reading.

"Any questions?"

'This is not show and tell Billy...'

'And that's why I don't think that cartoon is funny.'

'Whoops. That's upside down.'

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.'

Since his black belt certification in Process Improvement, Henry's presentations had become unbearable.

How to tell when your presentation needs a little fine tuning.

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'My pitch was going great until I let my guard down and somebody managed to squeeze a word in edgewise!'

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."

'I want to thank you for your spontaneous and overwhelming support...'

'How humiliating! I got shot down by my own talking points!'

'I thought up an incredible sting of rapid-fire witticisms. Too bad they came two hours after my speech.'

'Oh yeah MY Dad's PowerPoint presentations are better than YOUR Dad's'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'You're supposed to dodge the bullet points.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

'I wish you would update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

'It will never work between us. You're chalk and talk and I'm PowerPoint presentations.'

'Louder, Ned. They're getting restless in the back of the room.'

What are you talking about?

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'