Language Precisionist Pillows

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

'C'mon get it straight.'

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

Bullseye!

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Dating an English Major

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Raptures

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"Technically, it's a mammal."

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Ironing Punctuation

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

The perfectionist.

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."