Penny-pinching Philosopher Gifts

'Perk up. Just think of all that interest piling up at more than 5% per annum.'

"I guess I'll just sit here since I can't risk being seen wearing everybody's stuff. On a more positive note, I'm actually saving money."

Power/Expenditures

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

Financial Eyesight

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

Dispute over pocket money

Pollution and money

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

"At your opening, I see that you had two glasses of wine, eight pieces of cheddar, eight crackers, and seventeen grapes. That, of course, will have to come off the top of your end."

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

'I know 24 ways to kill a man - add another if I don't get a drink.'

"You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a good time?"

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

'Every time I get in touch with my inner child, he asks me for money.'

"What does your father do for a living?"

'These days, if you have to ask, you can't afford ANYTHING.'

"We thought it would save us money if we bought you the wood, and you made your desk yourself."

Papi's idea of a good father vs. Baldo's idea of a good father: family history.

'He went into shock when you presented him with the hospital bill.'

'I'm afraid there's no tax deductibility for 'A life wasted in fruitless search for fulfillment through the acquisition of meaningless wealth'.'

'How much allowance do you get?'

"Just think, next year I'll be in fourth grade. I'm really going to miss the third grade...but going to the fourth grade is a wise career move for me."

'Remember, my allowance helps redistribute wealth, since all the money in this country is in the hands of grown ups.'

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."

'Do you think he'll win the second race?' - 'Yes, because he's running in the first race.'