Penny-pinching Humorist Gifts

Frugal four

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

Power/Expenditures

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

Me and my money are soon parted

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

Budget Opticians.

'Think he'll ever spring for the bowl?'

"At your opening, I see that you had two glasses of wine, eight pieces of cheddar, eight crackers, and seventeen grapes. That, of course, will have to come off the top of your end."

Dollar sign balloon.

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

Computer that runs on money.

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

'We've decided to stay together for the sake of Ken's pension.'

HMRC Self-Assessment - Poor

'I'm banking on gas prices going up this summer.'

"My only problem with fiscal restraint is the restraint part."

He sometimes wondered if his new trophy wife was just after his money. (Towels read 'kin' and 'next of kin').

"I gave at the office!"

"We thought it would save us money if we bought you the wood, and you made your desk yourself."

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

'He went into shock when you presented him with the hospital bill.'

'Perk up. Just think of all that interest piling up at more than 5% per annum.'