Quirky Philosopher Gifts

Pigeon Little

Self-discovery of a gadfly.

Dataholic.

'Always put yourself in the other guys shoes, Henderson. If you're quick you can run off with them.'

'Always stress the positive. Instead of, ‘Give me the cash or I'll shoot,' try, ‘Hand over your money and no one gets hurt.'

'Assuming, of course, that a woodchuck could chuck wood.'

'I'm not much of a hunter or gatherer. I'm more of a borrower.'

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

'That was Larry...always trying to improve himself.'

Wouldn't stop picking at it.

Reverse psychology

Throwing away your brain

Venus Fly Trap

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"My religion was more fun."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'I thought, therefore I was.'

"Aare you sure this is what he meant by a quiet funeral?"

'Why do I always fall for the guys who treat me like dirt?'

'That's what I've always dreamed about, a round the world cruise'.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'That 'multiplication table' seems contrived to me!'

Philosophize

Epitaph: Life is wonderful. Without it you're dead.

Hotdog vendor: 'When I go, I wanna be ground up into hotdogs, but I guess that ain't gonna happen!'

Worm inside Ed's head all alone.

A tombstone with an epitaph that reads "Tuned in, turned on, dropped out, dropped in, worked out, saved up, dropped dead."

Zen VD Clinic - one hand clap

'Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time throwing batteries at seagulls?'

'He never was one for making risky predictions.'

Prophetic Limbs.

'Life is like a box of chocolate-covered ants!'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'