Quirky Philosopher Pillows

Pigeon Little

Self-discovery of a gadfly.

Dataholic.

'Always put yourself in the other guys shoes, Henderson. If you're quick you can run off with them.'

'Always stress the positive. Instead of, ‘Give me the cash or I'll shoot,' try, ‘Hand over your money and no one gets hurt.'

'Assuming, of course, that a woodchuck could chuck wood.'

'I'm not much of a hunter or gatherer. I'm more of a borrower.'

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

Throwing away your brain

Wouldn't stop picking at it.

Reverse psychology

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"Aare you sure this is what he meant by a quiet funeral?"

'I thought, therefore I was.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

Venus Fly Trap

"My religion was more fun."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

'Life is like a box of chocolate-covered ants!'

Prophetic Limbs.

'He never was one for making risky predictions.'

'Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time throwing batteries at seagulls?'

Zen VD Clinic - one hand clap

A tombstone with an epitaph that reads "Tuned in, turned on, dropped out, dropped in, worked out, saved up, dropped dead."

Worm inside Ed's head all alone.

'Chaucer, the Pythagorean Theorem and fine beaujolais, you've got pedants.'

'Why do I always fall for the guys who treat me like dirt?'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

'That's what I've always dreamed about, a round the world cruise'.

If Rocks Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Rocks.

Hotdog vendor: 'When I go, I wanna be ground up into hotdogs, but I guess that ain't gonna happen!'

'That 'multiplication table' seems contrived to me!'

Philosophize

Epitaph: Life is wonderful. Without it you're dead.