Quirky Philosophers Gifts

His urn is half-full. The eternal optimist.

The Broken Clock That Is Wrong Twice A Day

'Well, that answers that age-old question. According to the tape, the chicken came first. . . which brings up another age-old question: is the last one a rotten egg?'

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

'So far, I've cleared my mind of everything except Angelina Jolie.'

"NOW are you ready to renounce your sinful ways?"

"What do you have to do to get business class?"

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

The Map of the human brain

'Hey weirdo, where do you think you're going?'

Suzie would later win a Nobel Prize for her Law of Special Social Relativity.

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

Reverse psychology

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

The Chicken Who Crossed the Road, in therapy. My motives are always being questioned!

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

Beyond the known and the unknown.

The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, and the Woman who Mistook her Husband for a New Mercedes.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"Am I sensing fear?"

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

Dreams I have had...