Curious Philosophers Gifts

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

Schrodinger's Black Box

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Reverse psychology

"When I get to Heaven, will I still have to clean my room?"

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "Nothing. I'm going into stem cell research."

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Young ladies ponder the relationship of a man with a young boy

'Can you debunk my essay?'

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

'It's called a telescope son. It's sort of like a low-tech search engine.'

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

"Yes, I'm sure that going to school isn't the same as eating from the Tree of Knowledge."

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

Philosophy Test Today. This "Meaning of Life" question -- is that essay or true-false?

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."