Phone Humor Lover Pillows

'I know you're there, Obama - pick up!'

"Yes, I'm alone."

Hello, Susie, it's R

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

'Can you do anything else?'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

iPhone Senior

'Please hold for an eternity...'

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

A dog is embarrassed by his actions when recorded on his owner's mobile phone.

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

Open Mike Night presents the comedy stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the guy who was on his old cellphone, ran into a wall and got covered with bricks? He got blackburied! Clap. Hear about the woman distracted while using an iPhone app, walked into a door and falls down. Wound up iprone. Guy talking on an Android phone trips over a crack in the sidewalk … hoo-boy. Disdroid. Boo. Hiss. Were I not texting right now, I'd be so bored.

Ahab's Last Call.

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

I told you before, never call me on this number!

Lost Dog

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

'Must be a personal call - she snarls at the customers!'

Willie Nelson, hold music.

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

"Hello, is that the Samaritans?"