Phone Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

iPhone Senior

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Hello, Susie, it's R

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

'Can you do anything else?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

No Texting

"I'll have my people call your people."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

A baby escapes from a pram

Ahab's Last Call.

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

'I'm on the train.'