Phone Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

Cold caller.

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Can you do anything else?'

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'Please hold for an eternity...'

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

No Texting

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

A baby escapes from a pram

Ahab's Last Call.

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

'I'm on the train.'

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"