Telephone Call Comedy Aficionado Pillows

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'The King of what?'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Cold caller.

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'Can you do anything else?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"No, you hang up first. No, you!"

'Is he expecting you?'

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

Dog Chatlines...

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."