Phone Call Comedy Pillows

"Operator, get me my hair!"

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

Cold caller.

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

Ahab's Last Call.

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

'I'm on the train.'

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

'Yes sir, we still have Mr Edwards on hold from last thursday...'

'I won't be in to work today... I woke up with a bug.'