Phone Line Comedian Pillows

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

Cold caller.

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

'Can you do anything else?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

No Texting

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"I'll have my people call your people."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

A baby escapes from a pram

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

Ahab's Last Call.

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'