Phone Call Comedians Pillows

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

Policeman on phone to car in front: "Please pull over sir, you're moving your mobile phone illegally."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Hello, Susie, it's R

Cold caller.

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

'Can you do anything else?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"Are you talking to me?"

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

iPhone Senior

Modern animal communication

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"Operator, get me my hair!"

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"I'll have my people call your people."

Text in a bottle

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'