Phone Call Humorist Pillows

'Your call is not important to us. You may hang up at any time.'

'Please stay on the line -- Your call is very important to us.... important to us.... important to us.... important to us....'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

'Your call is very important to us, unless you're an IMPOSTOR.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Hello, Susie, it's R

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Cold caller.

'Can you do anything else?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

iPhone Senior

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

'Are you sure that hitting it with a baseball bat will work?'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

Turkey Hotline

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'No wonder I'm failing math. I'm just no good with numbers. Even when I dialed the math homework helpline, I got the wrong number.'

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'