Phone Call Humorists Pillows

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

'I wonder if the guinness people would be interested in the world's record for the most time spent on hold.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Cold caller.

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Can you do anything else?'

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

"I'll have my people call your people."

'Are you sure that hitting it with a baseball bat will work?'

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Turkey Hotline

'No wonder I'm failing math. I'm just no good with numbers. Even when I dialed the math homework helpline, I got the wrong number.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

Ahab's Last Call.

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'