Telephone Comedy Lover Pillows

'Must be a personal call - she snarls at the customers!'

I told you before, never call me on this number!

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Cold caller.

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

'Can you do anything else?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

iPhone Senior

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"I'll have my people call your people."

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

"How do we improve our image with customers?"

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

'Beep... Hello, it's the Black Knight again... Could we move our fight to Thursday morning? Call me back...'

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'You don't me- I'm not on Twitter or Facebook but I would like to be your friend,'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

'It's a costume play - the men are wearing ties!'

"Why can't we have a discussion without it escalating into a shouting match?"

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.