Telephone Humor Lover Pillows

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

'Billy, you know that my number is on the 'do not call' registry.'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

'Can you do anything else?'

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'Please hold for an eternity...'

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"I'll have my people call your people."

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

Ahab's Last Call.

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

I told you before, never call me on this number!

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

'This call may be ignored for sanity assurance.'

'Must be a personal call - she snarls at the customers!'

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

"Hello, is that the Samaritans?"

"I'm sorry, you're very faint. Could you pant a bit louder please?"

'I've got to hang up now, There's someone at the door.'

"Press 8 to be put on hold for what seems like forever...press 9 to phone back tomorrow."

"You're going to put me on hold? OK, I'm not going anywhere."