Phone Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"Yes, I'm alone."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

'Can you do anything else?'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

A dog is embarrassed by his actions when recorded on his owner's mobile phone.

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

No Texting

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

A baby escapes from a pram

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

Ahab's Last Call.

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

Lost Dog

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

"Press 8 to be put on hold for what seems like forever...press 9 to phone back tomorrow."

"Do you mean to say that we have both been on hold for half an hour?"

"Hello, is that the Samaritans?"

"I'm sorry, you're very faint. Could you pant a bit louder please?"

"You're going to put me on hold? OK, I'm not going anywhere."