Phone Etiquette Buff Pillows

"I need to take this call outside."

'I put the king on hold while taking someone else's cellphone call.'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

'I can't talk... I'm in the quiet carriage.' - '3...2...1...' - 'What? I can't hear you... you're breaking up...' - 'Brace! Brace!' - 'I said 'I'm in the quiet carriage'!!!' - 'Irony crash.'

"Donald, you’re in the C-suite now. No more smiley faces or exclamation points."

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

"Actually write thank-you notes to my best customers with a pen and paper? But I wouldn't have spell check!"

'Hah, he bowed lower than I did.'

"Hello? is it me you're looking for?"

How Dogs Identify Themselves in Upscale Neighborhoods.

"He came out from behind his desk. We got 'em."

'You're a telemarketer? Good. I've always wanted to telemarketer off!'

His text said, I challenge you to pistols at dawn, and I replied, C U there, and he replied with a thumbs-up emoji – Do I have to reply to that?

"If it's important they'll call back."

"Anderson, Anderson and Andersons - Stephens speaking."

Thank you for holding...

'Should have shook hands...' - 'Should have bowed...' - 'Should have read the keynote...'

"Must you look at your phone when I'm talking to you?"

Smartphone Abuse

Soothing music whilst waiting for phone line - for Vivaldi press 1.....

The Fürther Adventures of the Phone Führer

Man answers phone in middle of the night annoying his wife.

"Yes, I’m the person who makes all the long-distance decisions… Are you the person I’m about to hang up on?"

I can't believe it's come to his. I'll be glad to give you candy when you're off your cell phone.

'Call back some other time. I'm awfully busy ignoring you.'

A recent study found frequent use of cell phones can present a serious health risk to the incredibly inconsiderate.

'Here's my number. Have the gentleman call me when he wishes to order.'

'I take it you two have met?'