Phone Etiquette Aficionado Pillows

'We're here to eat so the first one to pick up their phone pays for the meal...'

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

"Donald, you’re in the C-suite now. No more smiley faces or exclamation points."

'I can't talk... I'm in the quiet carriage.' - '3...2...1...' - 'What? I can't hear you... you're breaking up...' - 'Brace! Brace!' - 'I said 'I'm in the quiet carriage'!!!' - 'Irony crash.'

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

'Hah, he bowed lower than I did.'

"Hello? is it me you're looking for?"

How Dogs Identify Themselves in Upscale Neighborhoods.

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

Trolling on social media

Would it be rude if I didn't follow them all back?

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

"He came out from behind his desk. We got 'em."

Thank you for holding...

'On The Face Of It.'

"Anderson, Anderson and Andersons - Stephens speaking."

"If it's important they'll call back."

Yes, I'm sitting down, Sally

'You're a telemarketer? Good. I've always wanted to telemarketer off!'

'Should have shook hands...' - 'Should have bowed...' - 'Should have read the keynote...'

"Must you look at your phone when I'm talking to you?"

The Fürther Adventures of the Phone Führer

"He just called without texting first. How can he be 23 and still not know how a phone works?"

Man answers phone in middle of the night annoying his wife.

"Yes, I’m the person who makes all the long-distance decisions… Are you the person I’m about to hang up on?"

'Call back some other time. I'm awfully busy ignoring you.'

'Stay for dinner? Are you sure? - We don't want to wear out our welcome.'