Phone Etiquette Critic Pillows

'Here's my number. Have the gentleman call me when he wishes to order.'

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

'I can't talk... I'm in the quiet carriage.' - '3...2...1...' - 'What? I can't hear you... you're breaking up...' - 'Brace! Brace!' - 'I said 'I'm in the quiet carriage'!!!' - 'Irony crash.'

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

No Pontificating in the Bean Bag Chair

'Do you have to slurp while you eat?'

'Are you a footballer?'

"Hello? is it me you're looking for?"

'That's insubordination! How dare you type in all caps to me!'

"You can't do that, Scott – this is Chicago."

"Anderson, Anderson and Andersons - Stephens speaking."

Thank you for holding...

'You're a telemarketer? Good. I've always wanted to telemarketer off!'

"If it's important they'll call back."

"May I have this dance, Miss?"

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

"Must you look at your phone when I'm talking to you?"

'Please call customer services for assistance with your enquiry.' - 'Gah. Useless website!' - 'Press '1' for sales. Press '2' for customer service.' - '2' - 'Please visit our website at...' - 'Oh, you did not just say that!'

'Call back some other time. I'm awfully busy ignoring you.'

I can't believe it's come to his. I'll be glad to give you candy when you're off your cell phone.

Smartphone Abuse

Soothing music whilst waiting for phone line - for Vivaldi press 1.....

Boy Laughs At Man Who Has Fallen Down.

The Fürther Adventures of the Phone Führer

Man answers phone in middle of the night annoying his wife.

"You're embarrassing yourself again Edward. If you want a bigger wine glass, just ask the waiter."

'The only thing he brought back from Earth is their annoying cell phone technology.'

"Yes, I’m the person who makes all the long-distance decisions… Are you the person I’m about to hang up on?"

A recent study found frequent use of cell phones can present a serious health risk to the incredibly inconsiderate.

'He's on another line. I'm going to put you on hold. Do you prefer 60's hits, 70's hits, 80's hits or 90's hits?'

Mad Cow Revolution