Payroll Aficionado Gifts

"Business has been so good that I can now pay you a salary...mom!"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Sheep Ledger

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

Human Resources Dept: Full time/part time/over time/time and a half/time out.

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

"I'm a soul trader."

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

'My pay envelope is empty.' - 'Your deductions equal your salary'

Bureau of Missing Persons, "He works flextime and we have direct deposit, so it took me a few months to notice he was gone."

'I've reconsidered your request for a pay rise, and I've decided that you do deserve one after all.'

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'They were two payroll cowboys riding together.'

'Come quickly, sir! - Accounting is having an ennui attack!'

'Have you any other references apart from your mother's?'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"This isn't regular Hell. This is Tax hell, where you'll be audited for all eternity."

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

'Here are today's numbers: I earn $1369 per day, an increase of $548 per day over my previous job...'

"Of course the job has benefits - you benefit by getting a paycheck every week!"