Payroll Administrator Gifts

"One good thing. At my pay scale, no one will want to steal my identity."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"Who's got the hammer?"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Check zombies.

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

social services cuts

You can relax now.

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

Human Resources Dept: Full time/part time/over time/time and a half/time out.

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

"It's come to my attention that our sister city has been borrowing our city's clothes without even asking."

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

The pass the ball to Jones for a three=pointer. I wish I got to shoot sometimes. Me too. Public Health Dept. Vaccine Distribution. Distributing the vaccine is just like when we were coaching basketball. We draw up a plan which specifies who gets the shots. And whatever we decide some people will be unhappy.

'It's the slump - looks like he's about to evolve it into a double-dip!'

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

Bureau of Missing Persons, "He works flextime and we have direct deposit, so it took me a few months to notice he was gone."

Federal Departument of Edutainment.

'My pay envelope is empty.' - 'Your deductions equal your salary'

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'