Payroll Manager Gifts

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"You promised an advance...but this is more of a tactical withdrawal."

The trouble with working for a multi-national company

"Should I be concerned by paycheck is in the form of a gift card?"

"Your first check from 20 years ago, Farley? So that's the reason our payroll account hasn't balanced for 20 years!"

Flashing sign saying No in payroll office.

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

'You forgot to pay your payroll tax.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'Does my take-home pay have to go all the way home?'

PAYMASTER, 'I'm sorry, Mr. Fergus, but your deductions won again this week.'

Don't cash it before next Tuesday.

PAYMASTER, 'I'm sorry, Mr. Fergus, but your deductions won again this week.'

Grim Reaper has to get overtime approved

"Payday, and I feel like I've been nickled and dimed to death!"

"Before I list the deductions from your paycheck, please understand...I just work here."

2004. 2005. Consider yourself lucky, kid. I had to work February 29th without getting overtime!

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Check zombies.

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Targets.

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

Mentors guide you through the maze.