Payroll Pro Gifts

'They were two payroll cowboys riding together.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"National security adviser"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Worker ant's To Do list.

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

Stress

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"How flexible are we on the issue of flex time?"

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

Propping up a profits chart.

Human Resources Dept: Full time/part time/over time/time and a half/time out.

Swiss Army Desk

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

'My pay envelope is empty.' - 'Your deductions equal your salary'

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

Man chasing microphone.

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

napping at work

'Your heart's not in the job - admit you're only doing it for the money!'

Bureau of Missing Persons, "He works flextime and we have direct deposit, so it took me a few months to notice he was gone."