Payroll Officer Gifts

"Play money?"

"I know that as a former politician you are used to getting money in inconspicuous suitcases, but it's a real hassle for the payroll department!"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

I'm not making enough money to like you.

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Check zombies.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

Supply Chain

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'Remember that promotion you were asking for last month, , ,Well, something just opened up,'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

"John and Sidney work in human relations."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'As a member of our great company family, my pink slip was signed with 'Yours Aunt Anny, personnel manager''.

"I got probation."

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."