Payroll Officer Pillows

The Timesheet Brainstorm.

"Play money?"

"I know that as a former politician you are used to getting money in inconspicuous suitcases, but it's a real hassle for the payroll department!"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Minority Report

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Check zombies.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

Supply Chain

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

'Remember that promotion you were asking for last month, , ,Well, something just opened up,'

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

"John and Sidney work in human relations."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

'As a member of our great company family, my pink slip was signed with 'Yours Aunt Anny, personnel manager''.