Payroll Specialist Gifts

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

"That $20 deduction is for new benefits ? like the $10 raise you just got."

'You can keep the payroll -- I just want the payroll deductions!'

'I've got more money this week. They've given me my deductions and kept my wages.'

'I really wish you hadn't seen this Ms. York.'

'I find it helps when I'm calculating the employees holiday pay.'

'I appreciate all the long hours you've been putting in. However, it's been brought to my attention that you don't work here.'

'No, sorry. You've reached Dragons. Payroll is on extension 4702. Shall I put you through?'

'I'm the most popular employee in the company...I work in payroll services.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"I thought there would be extra compensation for the coffee breaks I missed during my vacation."

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'I hope this doesn't put any ideas in your head, Mavis.'

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

"Dear, your boss just called to tell you there was a slight mistake in your paycheck."

"The cutbacks will be fierce. They'll start with the 'backroom' staff...half of finance will have to go!"

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"It's about your timesheet, it says you've only done one day this year!"

"Accounting has calculated how much we've paid you compared to how much work you've done. You owe the company $53,972."

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

'Cheer up, Mr Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

Bureau of Missing Persons, "He works flextime and we have direct deposit, so it took me a few months to notice he was gone."

"Well, I will have to see you draw."

"If you're wondering why your paycheck is so small, we deducted health insurance, your 401k,and with taxes, well, it's just enough to cover gas to get here."

"What does 'FICA' stand for – Financially Insignificant Check Again?"

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

"I just realized my wife gets more on unemployment than I make working here!"

Our profit-sharing plan isn't going too well this month, Carruthers- I'm afraid you owe us $137.00

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

Payroll Dept. My means aren't justifying enough ends.

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars!

Payroll Dept. I can live within my income, but only as long as I never go out!

Payroll Dept. I'm the twenty-eight percent bracket -- I take home less than a third of what I need to pay my bills.

"Erm I'm afraid we don't have the budget to pay you....but I could maybe manage 10% more gratitude and an additional weekly slap on the back!"